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Colbert Nation/GeraldRFord
Abu Islam (أبوالإسلام), né GeraldRFord, is a long-standing and controversial member of Colbert Nation. Eating his way out of his mother's rotten infected uterus many eons ago, GeraldRFord holds the world record for having even less worth than other Canadians (proof that this is astoundingly scientifically possible). The once little known troll of the Colbert Nation gained notoriety in late 2006 by making the decision to post a highly arousing picture of a midget rectal-troll, which was revealed to actually be a picture of himself. This turned out to be a mistake, as he hs been relentlessly and justifiably mocked henceforth. Ger is a sad lonely child who lives with his mother and sister (the same person) in Toronto, Canada; although, he dreams only of coming to America and losing his virginity (they're called dreams because you have to be asleep to believe them). Eye witnesses report his mother to weigh in excess of 450 lbs and his sister wears the corrective orthodontic appurtenance known on the street as "headgear." To get a better view of his childish unresearched opinions and failed attempt at having even a minute amount of wit, check his lame as fuck website out at: "Better thensic Maddox" at http://www.freewebs.com/betterthanmaddox. Spofapaca Spofapaca is a spammer group he started to make e-friends, as he has none in real life. Political Views GeraldRFord knows absolutely nothing about politics aside from what FOX News and his morbidly obese inflated-wildebeest mother tells him. Because he forms "his" ideas based solely on what he is spoon fed (tards cant feed themselves), he has not developed the ability to think for himself, and his views are as follows (and not satire). Racism? On March 4th, 2007 Gerald made a thread -in the Political Discussion Forum- titled "Black People." In this 'thread' he stated, "I'd like to shove a pointy stick up the ass of every fucker around there who wears a Crip or Blood jacket..." also "Black people are fucking stupid." He also criticized Black History Month by saying, "Black pride is just simply fucking retarded." According to Gerald, he could line up 20 African American people and say, 'you have a lower intelligence than me' and he would be right 50% of the time. GeraldRFord believes *Abortion is right, because after all, only Liberals get abortions, and you're just killing baby Liberals anyways. So is it really a crime? *Gay Marriage is terrible, because God hates homosexuality, and they need to be helped by Jesus Christ, everyone's personal savior. *The French are cheese eating surrender monkeys, who've given up during every war in history. They are traitors to America, and probably deserve to die. Russia, Germany, China, and Canada also suck, for opposition to the Iraq war, Communism, Faschismsic, and Russia for allowing the Iranians to keep their nukes... Iran and Korea suck too. *There is no actual difference between North and South Korea. *Everyone that doesn't like America is a terrorist. *That anyone who believes that 9/11, the Kennedy Assassinations, or the Moon Landing were a conspiracy are morons. They also hate America. If you look at the facts, and science, and my gut, then your conspiracy shit is bull shit. *Any game without EA Sports on the box is lame and stupid. *The Iraq war is a great cause, to save the Kurds who were being slaughtered. Remember, if WW2 happened today, Pearl Harbour wouldn't be Germany's fault, and the invasions of Poland, and France, as well as the Holocaust wouldn't be our business. Also, in 1997, a guy in Afghanistan said he wanted to attack the United States, that man, was Osama bin Laden, and he killed 3000 Americans, Saddam Hussein threatened the United States, and should be stopped before he can. He also broke every condition of the first Gulf Wars ceasefire. *Every Arab exists solely to hunt him down and blow him up. *Hockey is stupid. *Gerald thinks Gynvan, Dexter_Sinister, PatTheChuckles, CorkyRomano47, David Hasselhoff, Will Truman (of Will & Grace) and most other males are very hot. *Violent masturbation in the scolding hot shower will make the shame go away. Background Gerald, born July 12th 1992, was born in Toronto, Canada, despite being raised in the liberal paradise that is Canada, Gerald (actually known as "Bill") has been able to read past the liberal bull shit, and help the conservative uprising in Canada. Also, the New York Yankees, Toronto Maple Leafs, Dallas Cowboys, and Los Angeles Lakers, all own. Once, a very pretty young lady who uses the screen name "donnielarsonsgirlfriend" had pity on young Ger and offered to take him out for coffee. Since she has a vagina, Ger declined. Once sometime after that, a young fashion student known on the internets as "I made Tek's Costume"(recipient of the Nations prestigious "prettiest poster" award), or "Tek" for short, offered to take Ger's virginity from him, since that would never happen voluntarily or without some sort of cash transaction, and even went so far as to inform him she was "fisting" herself in anticipation, but he declined because she has a vagina. For his part, Mr. Ford admitted: "Women are meant for fucking, and I don't want to fuck Donnie or Tek, so they're worthless." In another incident, a new lovely lady that uses the handle "ashe x tray" called dibs on "GER'S SPERMIES"http://dibsregistry.net/. As expected, Ger has yet to take her up on her offer because, unfortunately, she has a vagina. Conversion to Islam On 7 March 2007, following a sustained nailing by unidentified Forum Mujahideen, Ger managed to catch a glimpse of Divine Enlightenment. This so overwhelmed him that he immediately renounced his worldly papalism and declared, "There is no god but God and Muhammad(pbuh) is his Prophet!" At this time he took the name Abu Islam, and has since submitted himself to the will of God. Heritage Gerald is of Irish and Spanish descent. His ancestry can be traced back to the Moors (Italian and Spanish: moro, French: maure, Portuguese:'' mouro / moiro'', Costanzan: moop, UK Slang: wog), the West African Arabs who ruled the Iberian Peninsula for several centuries. Friends to GeraldRFord *Eklund the hockeybuzz guy *THE CONSTITUTION *Gynvan * A. Hitler GeraldRFord's Heroes *Randy Johnson *The inventor of the penis enlarger *The City of Philadelphia *Dylan Avery *the Ottawa Senators *Sidney Crosby *Michael Moore *Hillary Clinton *Pierre's Monster *Mary Cheney GeraldRFord's Enemies *Bathing regularly *All other forms of hygiene *excersize *sunlight and the outdoors *anything "low fat" *deoderant *level 10 archers with Goron's armor *vagina *anyone with a brain *Members of PuckingRivals www.puckingrivals.com PuckingRivals is a forum and website where fans of hockey can meet and talk about the lowest ranked sport ever.http://www.puckingrivals.com/boards/index.php?act=SF&s=&f=13 Recently, another colboard forum member found this site where Mr. GeraldRFord posts. They express their love for him in many ways by making threads such as "Gerald's mom should have swallowed" or "GRF GeraldRFord is a Homo." They say that he is "a morbidly obese Canadian" and "Gerald brings nothing to the table. All he does is take away from it..." As of March 2007, the PuckingRivals forums appear to have been taken offline. The cause of this is the subject of ongoing speculation, but most parties agree the preponderance of threads flaming Ger at least played a role. Quotes from GeraldRFord *Will Truman makes my penis all hard and stuffs..... *Women are meant for fucking, and I don't want to fuck Donnie or Tek, so they're worthless *Like, even if you're not muscular, for Christ's sake eat something! I know, sounds typical coming from a fat guy *wtf? I can't run *I'm very horny aegis, I can do some cool things with my tongue *I for one wouldn't be against nailing a black, Asian, or Hispanic chick. Animals GeraldRFord has had sex with *Dog(Beagle)- Canis lupus familiaris, is a subspecies of the wolf) *Cat *Lama *Goat *Large mouth Bass *Salazaar *Small Boys Category:Arab-Canadians Category:LGBT Canadians Category:Virgins Category:Moors Category:Hispanic-Canadians Category:Sunni Muslims Category:Al-Qaeda members Category:Nation of Islam Category:LGBT Moors